In the moments of affliction...

 Original Source: https://www.jeyamohan.in/8746/

I had written this letter 13 years back. I was reminded of this letter recently when I replied in a similar vein to someone else.

Sorrows are of 3 types. Aadhidaivic, Aadhibhotic and Adhiyaatmic. These are called Tapatrayam. (Adhiyaatmic is also referred as Adhyaatmic). They occur due to divine forces beyond our knowing. They occur due to the happenings in this world, we create and bring it upon ourselves. Among this, we ought not think about the reasons for the first type of sorrow. We must surrender ourselves as far as possible. This is what has been told.

But its easy and usual/customary for us to say this until it occurs to us. Any person must have to traverse through sorrows. Knowing can temper the sorrow's fierceness somewhat. It can provide us with easy respites. Some hiding grounds can be created mentally. Still we say. "I understand your pain", as a fellow being - is what we say. Humans are capable of only that.


Hi Sir

… Last month 15th we had a beautiful girl baby. We were happy for the first three days and when we went for the doctors office for initial check up the doctor told the baby is not active.
The same day we admitted the baby to the hospital. Lots of blood work, scan ,MRI were done. The doctors could not get any decisive answer other than it is a muscle weakness.

The baby is feeding well, digestion and motion are going fine. She can move her hands and legs but not lifting her hands from the shoulder also her legs from the ground level. The doctors sent to further tests to findout the exact issue. They say some of the tests may take weeks to come back. The only answer we have now is, it is a muscle weakness. When the doctors did the muscle ultrasound they found the muscle is abnormal( they did it in her thigh). So we are still waiting for the final results to comeback to decide what kind of treatment to provide.

We are going through a real pain and i dont know what will be the outcome. I am writing this to you because, (i believe ) other than my father the only person i know, who is more confident and can guide me is only you. Lots of people suggest to surrender to god. I am a non-believer and dont think that will help me.

Can you please guide me regarding this medical processes and emotional issues im facing now. I dont know how i am going to overcome this issue. I know as there is no definitive answer about what is the issue, for some reasons i dont believe this is going alright.

Is it possible this can be cured by any other medical practice like Ayurveda. My writing may not be clear but i think i conveyed the message.Please help me sir. I don’t know what to do. I’m in a huge pain.

c


Dear c,

Your mail went into the spam folder somehow. Sorry. Replying belatedly.

Children in a couple of my close friends' families too were afflicted with similar issues and with sustained treatment, their health has improved somewhat. Among those children, one of them is a dearest one of mine. Even today, as I think about her, it brings a deep pain to my heart. I understand your grief, solitude and tension. I embrace you by your shoulder quite soulfully.

I am not aware of the of remedial possibilities in the medical realm. You are in America. There can be many more such avenues for treatment. Generally, I have understood this kind of muscle ailment as related to problems in the co-ordination between the veins and the brain, which direct/operate these muscles. I have heard that in case of children, since their biological inclination is on their growth, this ailment would be resolved as part of their growth. Some medicines and exercises for the brains and veins to correct themselves would be provided. In general, I understand that this should be cured. Let's hope for the best.

In the moments like this, without leaving us, our thoughts circle around us and become a source of torment. Our inner self is filled with expectations and fears, leading to our agony. Imagination and logic are constantly keeping us company. It is that suffering that we have to face. With some basic planning and preparation of mind, I think, we can face it.

The first challenge is to not giving in to the deep distress that develops in times like these. We will be engulfed by it without even realizing it. We tend to develop and experience it to the point of cloying. Humans have a tendency to exaggerate sorrows. We should decide not to commit to it and come out of that. We should resolve to not let this distress to cloud us and should do whatever it takes to that end. This kind of thinking in itself can go a long way in overcoming depression.

In matters like these, we must know one thing which is that, in many of life's foundational obstacles, we are incapable of doing anything. This is beyond us. Like an accident. Like earthquake, like flood. We are simple human beings. We are like microbes in front of the colossal power of nature. We are in a position to only accept what's being given to us. There may be reasons and justifications for it. But they are beyond our knowing. We can grasp it only if we understand the entire cosmos. Therefore, there is no use in frying our minds thinking about it.

People suggesting on submission to God are in fact mentioning a right way. It is the right way to silence our mind from the constant lament of our personal ego asking why and how. God is a central point that is beyond the realms of reasons and justifications. If your analytical mind doesn't allow you to submit before God, then you must learn to place a more intuitive and colossal cosmic vision in there. Like Advaita; Like Buddhism. For that, one needs a sharp intellect and the self-confidence for expending untiring effort towards detached thinking. Not everyone can do it.

What will a believer say? This is God's wish. You cannot understand this. Submit your mind, soul and ego; and pray Him. God may deliver. He would say that whatever is God's wish will happen and you can expect it to happen well.

A person with a cosmic vision will say the same thing differently. This incident is significant only for you. But, in truth, out of the billions and billions of lives in the earth, this is just one tiny issue in growth. There may be a reason and consequence for this within the vast realms of cosmos' harmony. It will happen no matter what you do. He will say that you ought to do all necessary things to make it happen well, entrust that cosmic machinery with the responsibility of its consequences and wait detachedly. Both are same.

Irrespective of whether you are worried or not, what you can do is only one thing: to do whatever is possible to cure that child. You should wait letting the nature of children and the nature that created the child to execute their wish on the child's future. Intensifying the sorrow will worsen your life and will hamper your ability to take care of that child. Therefore, set aside your sorrows and perform your responsibilities patiently sans any emotional outbursts. This is a philosophical solution.

In practice, we are required to observe ourselves, reconcile and get redeemed. Recognize the fact that the intensity of this situation will not remain for long. This emotional fierceness will not sustain. As time goes by, any agony and trouble will gradually be accustomed to and will become normal. The realization that this will become normal in future is what will provide solace. This is akin to us waiting through the night for the dawn to bring us relief from our pains. Observe carefully the emotions that you feel now. My personal experience is that if you try to record your emotions that is write them down , it would subside those emotions. We will start seeing those objectively.

I know for fact that we can forcibly re-channel and redirect our mind. A novel can be read while under any kind of stress. At first, the mind wont be able to focus. But it can be drowned forcibly. Even if we change our living space a little, the mind differs. If we go for a walk in a new place, our mood changes.

Do not repeat the same things. But don't also be idle. Most importantly, do not repeatedly discuss about this problem with your wife nor with your friends. Do not browse regarding this topic in the internet or magazines. Get over this period gritting your teeth. Understand that this emotional difficulty is only for another 3 months at the maximum. You will get over it. After that, you can think back on this with calmness.

I feel that the child will get cured. May not be immediately. It will get cured as it grows. May not be 100%. But with little difficulties, it can build its life quite well. Your responsibility is to do every necessary thing for that to happen. You need the mental strength and calmness for that. You can attain those by training yourself. It is your responsibility towards that child. Your wife also has the right to expect that calmness from you.

This can be a great sorrow now. But there can be something good in this. Some intention that we don't know. Maybe, you can know more about yourself through this sorrow. You can develop more affection towards that child due to this, thereby becoming even better and a more emotional person. This sorrow can reform your spirituality.

Maybe, the child can develop through this bodily issues, new possibilities for growth. A significant percentage of remarkable achievers are those who attained abnormal mental faculties because of physical problems during childhood. How can you predict whats in store for future?

You have to plan and get over this period. Most of us face situations in life arbitrarily. Instead if they are faced with planned training, it can be understood that those situations are simple. I would request you to do that.

These are not the prescriptions of a specialist. I am writing this as a friend. This is always needed to be told by a third person. If I face a problem, you would have to say this to me.

Be courageous. 'Waves are nothing but water, so is the sea'.

J

References:

• https://saisarathi.com/thought-of-the-month/types-of-sorrows/
• To understand the proper anglicized form of the referred Sanskrit words