A monkey in the boat
Original Source: https://www.jeyamohan.in/197052/
Date: 18-Feb-2024
It is perhaps a fact that living with Calvins is akin to traveling in a boat with a monkey. We feel that they are interested merely in destruction and protests. When they cannot destroy, they oppose fiercely. Really, what is their problem? (Therefore I have structured this article around how to travel with a monkey in a boat)
There are simple philosophical fundamentals to understand the Calvins. What is our home? We are not able to handle this chaotic, or the unfathomably ordered, fiercely energetic, immeasurably gigantic universe. Therefore, we create a tiny universe for ourselves. We call that home.
This tiny universe is completely under our control. It embeds the meaning that we had created and provided it. It has the limits that are within our visionary bounds. Everything here is describable and repairable. That is why, we attempt to set right the chair and unwrinkle the screens. "Trash bin must always be in the corner", we decree.
When we are done completing everything and sigh "Phew a tiny universe, exclusively for us", we feel that something's amiss. Is this all a bit too artificial? Lifeless? Therefore we wish to have a 'good' and 'sweet' baby. But destiny 'delivers' us Calvins.
Calvins have come from that gigantic universe directly. They are the bigger universe that intrude our tiny ones. Fox would lower its tail into the termite colony. Termites would then grab the tail in plentiful, at which point the fox pulls up its tail and devours them. The tail that the universe lowers into our home is Calvin. Nothing can be done.
Thus, Calvins follow the principles of Universe. That is a divine destiny or a chaotic destiny. We cannot ask anyone as to why there must be a Pluto after Neptune. When we realize that it is due to the same reason or the non-reason that defines why our spectacles went to the shoe rack or why the donuts are placed in the wardrobe, then we understand Calvins.
Calvins stand apart from any kind of orderliness. Their shirts hang out of their trousers. Their hands are outside school vans. Their legs hang out of beds. Even in their cradle, their legs were hanging out. They are quite eager to eat the food spilled out rather than that in plate.
If their hair can be combed neat and nice, then they can also be brought in line. But their head's structure is in itself against that. Strange double hair whorl. Else, a dusting brush like streak on the back head. Unless brushing and bathing are decreed by Government order, they cannot be coerced into doing those.
Calvins' intellect is spectacular. They can understand anything. From cosmological secrets to Advaita. The forbidden must be prohibited or hidden from them. They would not be able to traverse in highways, because their head is always searching only for the shortcuts. Calvins just keep learning, generally those that we think they mustn't.
That is why Calvins are called the nightmares of institutions. The institutions in turn become the nightmare for their parents. Calvins' writings do not fit within the lines. Calvins do not accept the rigid rules binding the identity of letters and the meaning they carry. When 'B' is nearby 'E', isn't it civil for them to face each other? Why should Calvins' dads seek apology from the School Principal for that?
It's Calvins' imagination that punishes them to stand on bench - that is, when it doesn't make them stand outside classroom. When 2 is subtracted from 4, what's wrong if Calvins' imagination adds 1 and makes it 3? If such imagination is not used in everything, how else would Calvins' brains be employed for world's good? Education Institutions callously expect the moms of Calvins to send pleading letters to them for that reason.
Yet educational institutions remember only the Calvins. While the neat and tidy children are properly placed in their lives, when Calvins grow up big independently and stroll on the road with their adam's apple and moustache, the now elderly teachers of yore like Mrs. Wormwoods wouldn't fail to quip, "Hey Calvin, remember me. You've grown up. Do you read and write at least now? Or are you still like the old?"
Calvins are generally lazy. They tend to tour their kingdom of imagination. They would love to keep reading something or keep searching for some trash. Moms of Calvins cannot redeem themselves from the amazement when they realize that if even a single thing from among this trash is moved, they would be disturbing the practical order.
The parents nurturing Calvins become the most scrutinized people in their environment. They firmly believe that everyone in this world have the right to take lessons on child upbringing and that they deserve to listen to those lessons politely with bowed heads. Calvins provide endless opportunity for all the other parents to assuage themselves regarding their children. The procedures to raise Calvins expire the moment a new Calvin is bron and hence a study like 'Calvinium' never took root.
Parents of Calvins employ two methods to handle them. UNESCO has categorized those as Monkeyboat method. The mother should become a heavy anchor of the boat which houses the monkey. She must protect the boat from rocking. The father must become another monkey on the other side of the boat. If he can perform the perform the counter stunts for every stunt that the kid monkey does, then the boat's rocking would be balanced out.
But it is said that when the time comes and the kid monkey leaves for the shore to get its new home on a tree, the pranks residual in the aforementioned fathers lasting their lifetime is a harmful side effect of this method.
References:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Advaita_Vedanta
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