An illusionary arena of dice

 

Original Source: https://www.jeyamohan.in/232998/

Date: 10-Jun-2026

 

It is only the victory that everyone talks and remembers constantly - be it Cinema, Politics or such. Why do commoners like to associate themselves with success? They do not have such a mighty success in their personal lives. Therefore, associating themselves with the lives of such victors feeds them with day dreams. And to be able to become mighty in that reverie.

 How numerous are the legacies, stories and memories about such celebrities and victors! But, my mind migrates towards those who haven't triumphed. Talented, capable of achievements - but were defeated by some intangible that we describe as fate, destiny etc. We see those as 'opportunities' in the outside world. Perhaps, it can be described as the endless possibilities of life created by people, moments and thoughts stitching themselves to an ever expanding gigantic web.

Numerous are those defeated, faded away and unidentified! Rather than the reasons for their defeat, what intrigues me are different questions. What would their minds be like? What do they live for when there is no dream of tomorrow anymore? Will they feel self-pity thinking of lost opportunities? Will they develop an ego to hide their self-pity? Will they forever live in dreamland?

They come in myriad types. Some wouldn't have met with appropriate opportunities throughout their lives. So, their potential or lack there of goes unproven. In some sense, their fate is better. They can at least survive by imagining themselves as undiscovered diamonds. 

For some others, the best opportunities come by quite early in their youth. The first victory blossoms as an heavenly flower of fireworks. Dreams bubble up. Mighty ideas arise. But, post that first victory, the entire life transforms into continuous flickering. Sankar and Ravinder from 'Oru Thalai Ragam', Ganga and A.A.Raj from 'Uyirullavarai Usha' - how many such names from Cinema. One named 'Kudandhai Ramalingam' was an equivalent in oratory politics during my youth.

Another category is those who have stagnated without any successive opportunities post that first one. Some others are those who missed their subsequent opportunities due to their choices or other practical reasons. There are also others who, having tasted no success and resigning themselves to the belief that they are devoid of any talent, are lead to see their work achieving a huge success, after a long time.

I had written about A.A.Raj earlier (https://www.jeyamohan.in/42900/). Peter Paramasivam is such a forgotten name in Malayalam music industry. Devoid of any opportunities and his only opportunity too not tasting success, the late musician's song is now being venerated as the cultural identity of Kerala. (https://www.jeyamohan.in/102491)

It is quite important for me, as a writer, to stand in their shoes individually and visualize their perspective in diverse ways. Such a story is that of Sundararajan, an assistant of Ilaiyaraaja. He has performed as Ilaiyaraaja's Violinist and an harmonium player, organizes and tutors film songs to performers, highly skilled in traditional and western music and was recognized as a true talent in his craft.

Developing a respect for Sundararajan while seeing him work with Ilaiyaraaja a lot, Malayalam director Dennis Joseph, provided him the opportunity as a Music Director for his film 'Appu'. Sundararajan had developed a career as a Music assistant, fatigued after having spent decades searching for opportunities as a Music director. He was past sixty when the opportunity arose.

Bereft of any confidence, enduring a shrunken life and languishing in poverty and loneliness, Sundararajan was hesitant to accept the opportunity. He was in fact apprehensive that he wouldn't be able to get Music assistant job thereafter. Thus, he was reluctant. Compelling and cajoling, Dennis Joseph made him accept the offer.

The film had two songs. When the film released, both the songs became huge hits. And one of those songs had developed an unique place in Kerala film music. With some modifications, it is being performed in myriad stages as a carnatic kriti. Many light music versions of this song, sung by youngsters, are present in internet. "Koothambalathil vecho kurumozhi kunyil vecho kuppivala sirichudanju".

Immediately after the success of that song and the film, Sundararajan got offers for ten films. He didn't have any managers, nor did he have the shrewdness to promote the film's success towards getting more offers. He provided dates only to those that approached him. He didn't know to judge them. All those offers came by due to him being a newcomer and therefore be possible to book him cheaply or to trick him financially.

Having signed the agreements for those films, he couldn't accept a few significant offers that came later. In cinema, its essential to be in successful films. All those 10 films that he scored music for were abandoned without even a single release. The four years that he spent for those films went down the drain. He didn't get any more offers as Music director after that. With age catching up, he faded away. 

"Your film helped me to designate myself as Music Director rather than as a Music assistant in my daughter's marriage invitation. I am therefore indebted to you. That one film added meaning to my life. Thanks be to God" - he seemed to have told Dennis Joseph, in his twilight years.

Dennis Joseph has mentioned in his memoirs that Sundararajan felt fulfilled accepting that solitary film to be of God's grace. Maybe. Deep religious devotion provides some such consolation. I have only seen such unsuccessful persons as those that were ruined due to alcohol, those merely filled with bitterness or those that lived in their own imaginary world. A movie star without any movies for the past twenty years told me, "My time starts from next January. Have signed eight films. Shooting has commenced for four films". Completely imaginary. But he believed in that.

Akin to a great carom game, an invisible red coin is tossing and playing us. We fall into victory ourselves unexpectedly. Sometimes, it just harasses us. Exceptionally, we push others towards success and stagnate. Life is but an expanse of dice game that doesn't fit into any reasoning of opportunities. It just keeps transforming from a huge dreamy bubble in youth to an even bigger memory repository in old age.

 

References

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shankar_(actor)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raveendran_(actor)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oru_Thalai_Ragam

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uyirullavarai_Usha

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ganga_(actor)

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ilaiyaraaja

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dennis_Joseph

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Appu_(1990_film)

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carnatic_music

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kriti_(music)